Zono Club: A Durga Devotional Reflection on Questioning Unwritten Rules

Everyone knows how the final practice places are assigned, although nobody can point to a written rule. Longstanding members receive first choice; newcomers are expected to accept what remains. At Ishta Mel, our Zono Club reflection begins with the member who notices that this custom keeps shutting out the same people. Turning towards Durga and the courage to protect fair participation, we ask how to question an unwritten rule thoughtfully. Our concern is the difficult conversation before the next selection, when habit still looks to many people like a sufficient explanation.

Recognise what the custom actually does

An unwritten practice may have begun for an understandable reason. Perhaps experienced members once needed early practice for a demanding role. Over time, the arrangement may have continued after the original circumstances changed. Understanding that history can help us describe the problem accurately. We can examine the present effects while leaving room for a fuller account of how the custom developed.

We begin with observable details. Who receives the first choice? How often? What happens when someone asks for a different arrangement? Are newcomers told about the practice before they commit their time? Specific questions help us distinguish an occasional inconvenience from a pattern that predictably limits participation. We describe the arrangement and its effect, giving the group something concrete to discuss.

Durga and courage that protects dignity

Our community approaches Durga through strength, protection and the courage to care about fairness. Families honour her through varied traditions, and our reflection respects that variety. In ordinary group life, protective strength can mean making an uncomfortable issue discussable. We can speak clearly while remembering that both those affected and those accustomed to the arrangement have dignity.

This attention shapes our words. We can say that the current method repeatedly leaves newcomers with unsuitable times and ask the group to review it. We need not speculate about every member's motives to describe that effect. Keeping the concern specific makes it harder for the conversation to dissolve into competing claims about who is a good person. The question stays with the practice that needs examination.

Learn from the people carrying the cost

Before speaking on behalf of others, we ask about their experience and what they would find helpful. Someone may want a clearer rotation; another may need advance notice; a third may prefer to raise their own concern. We listen without turning their stories into material we can share freely. Their permission matters when identifying details could expose them to embarrassment or pressure.

We also examine our own position. Perhaps the custom benefits us, and questioning it means giving up a convenient slot. Naming that honestly can clarify our commitment. Perhaps we are affected ourselves, and our frustration is strong. We can still raise a sound concern. A fair question does not require complete emotional distance; it requires enough care to distinguish what happened from the assumptions we have added.

Choose a place where change is possible

A complaint whispered after every session may release frustration while leaving the arrangement untouched. We identify the person or meeting able to review the practice. We can request a short discussion before the next allocation, when members still have time to consider alternatives. Timing helps because a proposal is easier to examine before everyone has arranged their lives around a completed decision.

Our opening can be brief: we have noticed a repeated difficulty, we would like to explain its effect and we are asking the group to review the method. This states the purpose without demanding that everyone agree immediately. We bring relevant examples, keep private details protected and allow others to add information. The conversation gains a practical destination: a decision about how future places will be assigned.

Offer a method the group can inspect

An alternative becomes useful when people can understand how it would work. The group might consider a rotation, a published request period or clear criteria linked to genuine preparation needs. We explain which difficulty the alternative addresses and what effort it requires. We also invite people to point out circumstances we have missed. The proposal should be open to improvement through the same fairness we are seeking.

A limited trial can help when members are uncertain. For the next few sessions, the group could use the revised method and then review whether access improved and essential preparation remained possible. The review should include those who previously had least choice. Their experience is part of judging the arrangement, alongside the practical needs of the whole activity.

When the answer is resistance

Someone may say that the custom has always worked. We can ask whom it has worked for and whether the experience just described deserves a place in that judgement. Someone may worry that changing the method will undermine experienced members. We can ask which needs are essential and build them into explicit criteria. A specific response keeps disagreement connected to questions the group can actually answer.

If the conversation becomes personal, we can return to the request: a clear and reviewable way to assign places. We may need another meeting or support from a responsible organiser. We keep track of what was agreed and when it will be revisited. Persistence becomes useful when it gives the issue continuity, rather than requiring an affected person to explain the entire difficulty anew every time.

Fairness made visible

An improved arrangement should be understandable to someone joining tomorrow. We can help write the criteria, explain the process and make the review point clear. This turns a fragile agreement into information people can use. It also reduces dependence on personal connections, because a newcomer can learn how participation works without first discovering whom to ask privately.

In our Zono Club reflection, seeking Durga's blessings accompanies courage expressed through careful questions and sustained attention. We can honour the group's shared purpose while helping its customs become fairer. The member who speaks need not carry the whole change alone. A clear concern, respectfully raised and practically followed through, can invite others into the work of protecting everyone's chance to participate.