RajWin and Durga: Finding the Courage to Apologise After a Win

The result has been announced, and our team is smiling for a photograph. Then we remember how we spoke to a volunteer during a tense moment. Our impatience was public; the volunteer became quiet and continued the work. Now everyone around us wants to celebrate. In this reflection on RajWin, we at Ishta Mel turn towards Durga with an uncomfortable but useful question: can we enjoy winning and still acknowledge conduct that deserves an apology? The result and the way we treated a person are both part of what happened. Each needs an honest response.

A favourable result does not settle every question

Success can make an evening feel complete. We are congratulated, our preparation seems justified, and the group begins telling a story about how well everything went. That story can leave out a sharp remark or an unfair accusation. The omission may be convenient, but the person who received our words still remembers them. If we allow praise to decide what deserves attention, we give the result too much authority over our conscience.

We can ask ourselves a precise question: if our team had finished elsewhere, would we still recognise that sentence as disrespectful? If the answer is yes, winning has not changed the sentence. This helps us separate the assessment of performance from the assessment of behaviour. We can appreciate the work that brought success while taking responsibility for a moment in which our conduct fell short of our own values.

At Ishta Mel, we seek Durga's blessings for the courage to look directly at that moment. Strength includes the ability to remain standing when our preferred picture of ourselves becomes less comfortable. We do not need to dismiss the whole achievement. We need enough honesty to name a particular action without hiding it inside the excitement surrounding us.

Find the part that belongs to us

Competitive tension often produces explanations. We thought a decision had been missed; we were tired; someone else had spoken abruptly first. These details may help us understand the situation, but an apology needs a clear account of our own action. “I raised my voice and spoke to you disrespectfully” identifies what we did. “Everyone was getting worked up” spreads attention across the room and leaves our responsibility difficult to see.

Sometimes our underlying concern was reasonable. We may genuinely have needed clarification. We can retain that concern while acknowledging the manner in which we expressed it. This distinction matters because people often avoid apologising when they fear it means surrendering every point they made. Respectful speech and a substantive disagreement can exist together. We can apologise for the insult and, if still necessary, discuss the original question separately at an appropriate time.

For a reader reflecting on RajWin, the relevant measure is whether achievement leaves us willing to be accountable. A favourable outcome can make us feel unusually certain of ourselves. We can use that moment to practise a more dependable confidence: the confidence to say that one part of our conduct was wrong and needs to change.

Give the apology a clear shape

A useful apology names the action, recognises its effect and expresses regret. In the volunteer example, we might say, “I spoke sharply to you in front of everyone. That was disrespectful, especially while you were helping us. I am sorry.” The words are ordinary and direct. They do not ask the other person to agree that we had a difficult evening before our apology can count.

The setting deserves thought. We should avoid interrupting someone who is still managing an urgent task merely because we want immediate relief. We can ask for a brief moment when they are free. If the disrespect happened publicly, there may also be a public impression to correct. We can acknowledge our conduct to those who witnessed it while considering the affected person's comfort, rather than turning their experience into another announcement about ourselves.

Explanations should be brief enough to leave the apology intact. “I was under pressure” may describe a feeling, but if it dominates the conversation it can sound like a request to excuse what happened. A better next sentence concerns future behaviour: “Next time I need clarification, I will ask without raising my voice.” That commitment is specific enough to guide us when tension returns.

Let the other person choose their response

The person may accept our apology warmly, acknowledge it briefly or remain upset. We cannot choose that response for them. An apology offers recognition; it does not purchase immediate ease between us. If we insist on hearing “It is fine,” we make the conversation serve our comfort again. We can thank them for listening and allow the matter the time it needs.

We should also resist asking teammates to persuade the person that our intentions were good. Their support can become pressure, especially when the group has just won and enjoys the room's attention. The person who was hurt should not have to oppose a celebration in order to describe their own experience. Our willingness to stand without a chorus of defenders gives the apology greater integrity.

Carry the lesson into the next tense moment

Afterwards, identify the point at which our behaviour changed. Perhaps we stopped listening as soon as a decision surprised us, or began speaking as if a volunteer were personally responsible for every difficulty. That recognition can guide a small practice: wait until the explanation is complete, ask one clear question, and address the issue without attacking the person. The practice should match the conduct we have acknowledged.

We can still join the celebration. Honest accountability allows the happy part of the evening to remain happy without requiring someone else's discomfort to disappear from the story. Our reflection on RajWin asks us to carry both truths with maturity: we achieved something worthwhile, and we owe someone a better manner of speaking.

At Ishta Mel, we turn towards Durga for courage that remains respectful when success makes us visible. We offer the apology, accept that another person has their own feelings, and prepare to behave differently. Then the next contest begins with more than confidence in our ability. It begins with a stronger commitment to how we will use that ability among others.